The Answer is NO.
Let’s Make it a Year of Responding Authentically
Post Summary
Struggling with “Yes Regret.”
My word for 2025 is “No,” and why.
Reacting vs Responding
How do you respond to things you don’t want to do?
Mystic Storyteller Tarot cards used in this post are available for pre-order.
Do you find yourself saying “Yes” and/or agreeing to what people ask of you because
...it will make them happy?
...you know you’re the most capable person to carry out the request?
...you’re worried that if you say “No,” it will disappoint them?
Do you struggle with Yes Regret?
After agreeing to certain requests, as time stretches along, do you find yourself regretting the commitment because now that you’ve had time to think about it, the thought of following through doesn’t contribute to your wellbeing, and conversely, causes you unhealthy anxiety and/or dread?
On the one hand, while it can be healthy to challenge ourselves to be courageous and face our fears head-on, I believe pausing, reflecting, and responding “No” to the things that make us miserable is equally important.
I’ll give you an honest example:
I hate making videos.
There, I said it. I do. The way my nerves are set up, videography is The Devil. I absolutely cannot stand making videos. While I realize that I’m good at content creation, and videos are the trend in content consumption and learning, video-making, especially the format that involves talking and being on camera, triggers an adverse physical and emotional response.
Why?
The answer is long and deals with complicated trauma around people-pleasing and performance anxiety I’m dedicated to working through but unwilling to share right now... which brings me back to the subject ...
My word for 2025 is NO.
Maybe not all-caps all the time, but a well-thought-out and resolute “No.” According to one of my favorite and reputable publications, Psychology Today, saying “No” allows you to set healthy boundaries, prioritize your individual needs, and avoid burnout.
This year, I'm saying NO to the way other people do things when they aren't right for me, I’m saying NO to agreeing to participate in activities that don’t feel genuine to who I am as a person, and I’m saying NO to anything that compromises my wellbeing.
Therefore, I’m committed to being brave and challenging myself, but I will not and can no longer agree to participate in activities that aren’t promoting my peace.
Reacting vs Responding
Now, with all this encouragement of respectfully declining, it behooves me to point out the importance of reacting vs responding. Reacting occurs immediately and with little to no thought, while responding pauses, sorts through the details, takes a moment to organize one’s thoughts and words, and then arrives at a way of saying “No” that feels most authentic.
Pausing is crucial for the creative brain.
It’s why I unplug from social media on Sundays and take my annual Hermit Hibernation in the winter. Pausing allows me to rest, reflect, organize my thoughts, and plan on the best way of moving forward. This year, my pause from writing here on Substack and posting to Instagram was filled with planning, design work, travel, and sleep. You can read more about my Hermit Hibernation ritual here, along with a helpful reminder of the 9 Benefits of Seeking Solitude.
Now more than ever, I vow to do a better job of pausing, sorting my thoughts, responding, and saying “No” when it’s best for me.
...which brings me to a few questions for YOU.
How do you respond to things you don’t want to do?
Are you a resolution-maker or an affirmation-setter?
What is your approach for this year?
Like these cards?
Mystic Storyteller: A Writer’s Guide to Using the Tarot for Creative Inspiration and companion tarot deck are available for pre-order! Click on the image or button below for more information about my new book and deck created especially for storytellers.
About Mandy
Amanda "Mandy" Hughes is an author and instructional designer who uses the tarot to inspire storytelling. Her book Mystic Storyteller: A Writer’s Guide to Using the Tarot for Creative Inspiration and companion tarot deck are helping her peers do exactly that. She also writes fiction under pen name A. Lee Hughes. Mandy lives in Georgia with her husband and four sons, two of whom are furrier than the others (but not by much). Visit her website at www.haintbluecreative.com and find her on Substack @HaintBlueCreative.
Saying “no” has been in of the most liberating things ever. And the amazing thing is that the people I say no to actually take it really well when I just say it… when I don’t hem and haw or waffle. Just say “oh sorry, no. I’m not going to be available/do that then.” And not say why. If they ask I say I have other obligations (I don’t tell them the obligations are to myself/ my sanity 😝).
I got the courage to do this from Martha Beck’s book The Way Of Integrity where she talks about a year of refusing to lie…. About anything…. Not even little things like saying that she was good when she wasn’t and someone asked… she didn’t tell them any details it rather have a benign response that was actually true - I am still chugging along.
I love the cards! So excited to get to play with them!
I appreciate you.
When I was an undergrad, a band I played in traveled to Chicago on tour. We visited the home/recording studio of an alumnus of the program. He spent about thirty minutes touting the benefits of saying “yes” to things that interest you, even if you don’t have the required knowledge, skills, or time. He called it “the Eric Yoder School of Yes” (yes, he named it after himself). I was a “student” of this school for decades and finally learned to start saying no during the early months of the pandemic. I haven’t looked back.